Struggling with My Weight- Part 1

By:

Marini

                Weight is just a number…yet we do need to worry about it if the numbers keep increasing with no limit. I have been struggling to lose weight for the entire of my life. When I was a little girl I was thin. I can remember that time, such a lovely girl (yuck) but when I was 9 years old I was starting to put some weight on me and it continued until present day…I mean, now…haha…so pathetic.  I don’t know what to say, my appetite towards food was so “crazy”. I felt hungry all the time. The feeling of desire to eat food seems like I can die if I don’t eat a lot. Supposedly, we need to eat to live not live to eat. If I make this phrase as principle in my life may be I will not become like this. Well, nobody to be blamed. Blame myself of course. I cannot blame my late mother for cooking a lovely meal, oh yes my mother was a good cook. She was trying to remind me about controlling my food intake but my father supported me and yet I cannot blame my father too. He always tells me to eat whatever I want to eat because when I get sick, when I am getting older I cannot eat delicious food anymore. Point was taken and here I am stuck with this heavy body.

                Now, let me tell you my story, a story of my journey to lose weight and still struggling to lose  weight. I never take seriously about my body until I was in college. So, I have been chubby for many years and I don’t even care about my looks… my appearance. I felt happy with my life although sometimes it felt hurt when people insulted me about my weight. I never workout and if I did that, it was for fun not for losing weight so I didn’t care about what I ate. This happened until I wanted to further my studies in degree. I need to do the medical checkup before registered at my faculty so I hopped up on the weight scale and the number had frightened me. I was freak out when I looked at the number. It was 79kg! That was my heaviest weight, I think. Hence, the doctor asked me to watch out my diet and he asked me to lose some weight. It was a wakeup call for me. I felt so embarrassed at that time. When I calculated the BMI, yes…I was overweight. From that moment I started to work out-jog, aerobic and I said good bye to RICE. I did it in a few months. Well, I started getting busy with my studies and I exercise now and then. Unfortunately, there was no change. The scale was not showing any decreases of my weight. Then, I gave up.

                To make long story short, I was 75kg when I finished my Master. It meant that I lost only 4kg in 5 years… DAMN… At that moment, I didn’t mind at all about my weight. Just let it be…Then, I got a job. In my first year serving in my post I was determined to lose my weight because I wanted to get married. Hahaha..so I consumed  LAMI (please don’t take this…this product has been banned. It is not good to our body)…but this product was so efficient, I lost 10kg within less than 3 months. Everyone at home was surprised to see me. 65kg ok…I never been at that number for a long time. I was so happy. I can wear L size cloth (before that XL,XXL)…I can feel that I was beautiful and my self-esteem became high.

                Then, I got married… I gained weight again. I never step on the scale because I didn’t want to feel disappointed but I knew that I gained weight because I cannot fit perfectly in my cloths anymore. Furthermore, I cannot fit my engagement rings too. After that I continued diet and workouts and I experienced yo-yo effect. In conclusion, within 4 years of my marriage I didn’t realize that I was overweight and the same thing happened to my husband too. We put on so much weight together.

                One day in 2012,I would like to donate blood. The nurse asked me to step on the scale and I was so shocked to see the number. 84kg…that was the heaviest weight I ever archived in my entire life (I think)…  At that moment, I feel my world is so dark, I feel empty… Ok, something needs to be done. I started diet again…no carbo at all, I don’t eat rice…just vegetables, fruits and protein. Workout…on and off…I did this about a few months. Nothing had happened. Again, yo-yo effect. July 2012 I was 87kg. Damn…mencarut lagi.hahaha. (This happened because although I didn’t eat rice I couldn’t guarantee that what I ate was healthy…chicken with fat on it, vegetables fried with too much oil, fish cooked with coconut oil..etc)

                I always see doctors to do medical checkup and guess what the doctors had said? I need to lose weight so that my period will stabile and it will be easier for me to get pregnant. Ok, point is taken. So I decided to take it seriously. I started to consume Alpha Lipid SD2…one unit is RM150. I consumed 5 cans of SD2 and I just lost 5kg only meanwhile other people can lose about 4-5kg with only 1 can. I spent almost a thousand ringgit. I need to mention here, during consuming SD2, the user cannot eat carbo at all, no sweet drinks even fruits. We need to eat vegetables and protein only. So can you imagine how slow my metabolism is? After I lost 5kg, a lot of my friends noticed my changes even my students noticed that too. So, I stopped consumed SD2, it is not worth it to continue. I did some research on why SD2 is not effective for me. I found out that people who is suffering with unbalance hormone is not suitable to consume SD2. It will not give you any benefit. No wonder my body cannot cooperate with SD2. After that I tried Shaklee (Lecithin,Herblax,Omega Guard and Alfafa).  Bad result… I just lost 1-2 kg only. Buang duit…Furthermore, I was not discipline enough while consuming Shaklee. In conclusion, any product slimming is not suitable for me. (because of the hormone, I think but I wonder how LAMI was effective for me).  #$^%#!(mencarut dalam hati)

                When I lost 5kg after consumed SD2, I started my old bad habit again. Eat a lot…because I was so happy and I was satisfied when I lost 5kg(80kg at that time). My bad-eating-habit continued until I gained 85kg. Sedih balik,podacit.  Then, starting in May 2013 I started to jog every evening and control my diet without taking any supplement and slimming product. I set my new goal. I did a lot of research regarding of losing weight in a safety way. Biar lambat asal selamat,kan. The only way to lose weight is by exercise and diet. The safe weight loss is 0.5-1 kg in a month because If we lose weight drastically, it will harm our internal organ. I lost weight but very slowly because I have low metabolism. I set my target to lost 2kg in a month, it is enough for me. Fortunately, I lost 8kg within 3 months (76 kg). I was so happy BUT after raya I gained 2kg. Biasalah time raya melantak makan.  About a few months I maintain my weight -78/79kg. There are times, I stopped workout and eat rice because I’m still in treatment for IUI.

                2014… still struggling with my weight. I stopped workout starting from January to March because I missed my period. I thought I was pregnant. Of course I gained weight after doing nothing but eat..eat…eat. March 2014, I was 82kg. I started again my routine. I am still targeting losing 2kg in a month.  I lost 3 kg (79.4kg) in 3 weeks. Amazing! In May 2014, I stopped my routine for 3 weeks because I was performing IUI and my weight was 80.7kg on 26/5/2014. It was weird because usually if I didn’t work out for a long time I will gain so much weight but this time I gained 1.3kg only. Amazing… my body was behave. Hahaha…

                This week(26/5/2014-30/5/2014), I am fasting(ganti puasa). Today is the third day. On the first day I did aerobic, the second day… I jogged. Today I don’t feel like doing any exercises. Nak rileks. Timbang berat…79kg. Wow, amazing… I lost 1.7 kg only in 3 days. That is the power of fasting+workout.  My aim was losing 1 kg in this week but I lost more than 1kg already. I am so happy but I must be careful because I will stop fasting starting from tomorrow. This Saturday is my official weigh in. I really hope the number will make me happy.  That’s it. This is my journey of losing weight and I am still struggling with it.

                My goal: In the end of this year = 70kg (9 kg more to go)

                Motto: lose 2kg in a month but effort like 1 kg 1 week (4kg in a month)

                Method: Exercises and diet plus discipline.

                Motivation: I want to get pregnant (that is my first important reason) and I want to wear  

                                       my engagement rings.

                Summary            

                July 2012 = 87kg

                Present day (28/5/2014) = 79kg

                Total lost = 8kg within 2 years. (because of the yo-yo effect)

                GOOD LUCK, MAR. YOU CAN DO IT.

                I will update my story soon. Hopefully I will post my successful story. In sha Allah.

 

 

What about book?

By:

Marini

P/S: THIS POST IS COPY AND PASTE FROM MY OLDER BLOG.

April is a month for us to celebrate the beauty of an object we call as a book.  I feel so regret when I cannot go to the Book Fair held at PWTC last April.  I missed the feelings of craziness looking for the books…the feel of engross turning page by page of the books and I missed the feel that I am in my own fantasy world just by looking at the stack of the books on the bookshelves.

 

A book is not only contain papers filled of a few ounce of ink written as words. It is more than that. It is full of story, knowledge, information and sometimes it contains words that can soothe us when we read them. Imagine the power of book that can change our life…forever…

 

Don’t believe me!!! Ok then…

 

A very common example, related to all of us…we read books (academic books) to pass in our examinations…agree or not, that’s what we did before, right…? so books change our life and now we have a job and we can survive today because the good deeds of a book to us. Please don’t try to deny it.

 

Another example, I have read about someone who read a self-enhancement book. When he finished read that book, he became a different person, a better person actually, because of what, because of a power of a book.

 

I read books in two situations – when there is no tv or when there is no internet near to me. I often read books in the train and sometimes if there is no seat then I will read while I am standing surround with cohort of people. Sometimes I notice that some of them are looking at me annoyingly seems that I want to show off. They maybe don’t understand the feelings of bored of doing nothing in a train. I am not a type of person that can only seat in the train, just staring outside the window or sometimes staring at the people coming in and out of the train.  I need something more than that, something that can make me pleasure during sitting in the train then I choose to read a book.

 

I also read a book when waiting for my turn dealing at the bank counter, post office, waiting for the food order, while waiting for the bus, waiting for the lecturer in a lecture room or anywhere that need me to wait for something.  So my friends see me as a bookworm. Podachit….mana ada…hello…I am not a bookworm ok…because for me a bookworm is a person who reading an academic books and he/she will remember all the facts from the books…me???only read novels ...hahaha…so I am not a bookworm. But now I love to read an encyclopedia and you know what I just knew that Nile River is in Africa… huhuhu…well at least I know that before this Nile River is in Egypt, thank God Egypt is in Africa. (got to tell you that I am so poor in Geography) .I know a lot of things from that encyclopedia even I didn’t know that peach is in the family of roses.

 

Sometimes, I feel happy when I see people read in the train.  I can feel that we are connected just by looking at them who have the same interest like me.  I realize that, it is so difficult to see people read in the train and I seldom see people hold a book during travel with the train or bus. But I realize that some of them cannot read in the vehicles because they will feel dizzy when they do it and if that is the reason, then I can accept and understand that.

 

 

Well, I am so fond of reading not because someone had influenced me…it came naturally and I hope that my children will inherit my attitude. Hopefully…

My husband does not like read the books but he prefer to read articles via the internet.  Well, it is ok with me as long as he loves to read. Knowledge can be obtained from the various of sources not just by reading books. People tend to find any information from the internet but I more prefer the conventional way. After all, I believe that all the knowledge from the internet are all from books, right?

 

Ok then, I need to stop now. I can feel that my back is ache…need to lay for a while. Well…baca buku baca gak…Quran pun ken baca gak k…

 

Chaw…till here for now…

Unique

By

 Marini

 

I still can remember my ex-teacher said that human beings are unique.  Everyone has different characters, different attitudes and acts differently towards something.  So, we are so unique.  Even Allah creates humans with variety of races and religions.  For what…? for us to get know each other and to get along with each other to make this world as a harmony place to live. 

 

I watched “Gol  & Gincu” last time, there was a dialogue between a mother and a daughter. Her daughter keeps worrying about his boyfriend telling her, she is not cukup Melayu since her dad is an American while her mom is Malaysian. She tries so hard to prove to her bf that she is a Malay girl, so she impresses his boyfriend by wearing baju kurung every time she meets him, watching Malay movies and even reads Malay novel.  Her mom told her that being a Malay, Chinese, Indian doesn’t make any difference.  We are unique, the most important thing is we respect each other as who we are.

 

Well, back to that girl, at the end of the day she realizes that she has her own unique characters. Pretending to be fully Malay is impossible to be done even though she trying so hard, even feels so embarrass while giving the merapu pantun.  Lastly, she gave up and told her bf to accept her as whom she is. So, that’s it, her bf gets the picture and he just wants to let his gf knows that life is not all about going shopping, wearing fancy stuff and have a over-social-life. He wants her to explore some other worlds.  What I understand from her bf message is, we are living in this world with a lot of people, we are not living in our “own world” and we have to keep remember that we are so unique so that we have to learn to respect others’ way of life.

 

Talking about uniqueness…as we know, different people has their different attitudes.  But as I think deeply regarding of this matter don’t we notice that for certain attitudes, every one of us has them. For example, talking something bad about others (mengumpat la tu)… I believe most of us are like that.  More examples, stealing money, bad temper, like to smoke, laugh loudly, talk-active, lazy, hardworking, amiable, ambitious, driven person, soft-spoken, like to sleep all the time, being selfish, arrogant, kind, humble, eccentric…I’m sure that some of us share the same attitudes.  So I can say that, we cannot be unique based on attitudes because if I say that I am so particular about something, millions of people has the same attitude. If I say that I don’t like people using my stuff without permission, I think all of us will don’t like that too. 

 

So the uniqueness of human beings can only be measured by using the scientific method and with science we can know we are different from other people by DNA and our finger prints.  No one in this world shares the same DNA and finger prints and it makes us so unique. We are the only one in this world who has different DNA and finger print so this is the only way for crime investigators to catch the real criminals according to their DNA and finger prints that left at the crime scene. Amazing right…

 

Allah creates us with different of capability, special gift , weakness and strength, different talent meaning to say that not everyone can be a good singer, not everyone has IQ over 400, not everyone can curl his/her tongue, not everyone able to move his/her ears, not everyone can paint a masterpiece and so on.  Again, we are unique although we still share a few same things.  What we have to do is be grateful for what we have although we are poor, fat, ugly or what so ever, the most important thing is we have to know how to use our strengths and overcome our weaknesses so that we can be a better person and live without complaining this and that.  Find our own meaning of happiness in our life although the definition of happiness of life will be changed time to time depends on certain situation and believe that Allah is Maha Adil by creating us with different kind of characters and talents.  Live with lots of L.O.V.E and make fully use of our strength to archive the true meaning of life…happiness, peaceful n amar makruf & nahi mungkar..

 

Remember…there is inside you all the potential to be whatever you want to be, all the energy to do whatever you want to do. Imagine yourself to be what ever you want to be, doing what you want to do. Take one step each day towards your dreams. Though there is a time for you too difficult to continue, hold on to your dreams. One day, you will wake up in the morning to find that you are the person you dreamt of, be whatever you wanted to be, do whatever you wanted to do, simply because you have the courage to believe in your potential and to hold to your dreams…

 

With this uniqueness, we can cherish our life with love and happiness.  I really hope that people who think he is so powerful, it doesn’t mean that you can make fun of the weak people. Without the weak person, there will be no Y.O.U….!! Remember that!  (Dedicated to the Zionist and US leader...get ready for the people like us (Muslims) who you think so weak to wake up to fight you back…! Allah promises something for us…just wait and see)

 

Still hoping for our world to be a better place to live before we are living in Akhirat…

Are you happy?

Written by:

Marini

 

It’s been such a long time I don’t write in my blog…time constraint may be … or I think there is nothing to share about since I’m express my feelings in my own diary.

 

A lot of things happened to me lately… good things and bad things…I don’t think it is a good idea to share everything…well, maybe I can share a few things only if it is not too personal…

 

Hmmm… happiness…what you can tell me about happiness?

Am I happy?

Are you happy?

 

Every one of us has our own definition about happiness. May be some people feel happy when they are in love…or they feel happy when they have a lot of money…feel happy when they get what they want…feel happy to have a happy family….feel happy about being a great attention among their friends…feel happy to have a luxury car….feel happy to have a child…and bla bla bla…

 

Talk about a child…a baby…well,  it’s been 5 years I am married to my beloved husband…and there is no sign of having a baby…. Happy about it?? Shit…of course not. When I read my friends’ status in their Facebook talking about being pregnant and talking about their new born baby, I do feel very annoying. Well, what to do? It is my faith… aku redha je la kan… I have to accept it… I believe that Allah knows the best for me…I must keep those words in my heart all the time… crying about this…? Don’t tell me la…I can say that I cry a lot regarding of this matter.  In fact, when I feel so stress, I cry all the time… the question is….is crying can make me feel better? May be… I will feel relief for some times…but not all the time…so there is no point for me to cry anymore.

 

Go to hell when people keep asking me the same question again and again… well…I lied…I do care when people ask me the question… “Ko bila lagi Mar?”…”x kan x ada lagi”…in fact my late mom always tell me… “haii…org lain sume dah ada…ko x ada lagi? Apa nak jadi?”  Tuhan je la yg tahu apa yg aku rasa.  There is no word to describe my feelings…. That’s why I cry a lot…

 

I did my treatment…IUI…well…I need to work harder. Some people get pregnant after doing IUI so many times but I just did once, so long way to go. I need to be more patience, pray a lot and let Allah does the rest.

 

So people…stop asking me that stupid question… some people will not understand that it is a sensitive issue to talk about…it’s ok…I won’t blame you…I’ll look at the bright sight…you are asking about this because you care about me…I appreciate it…but after this…please consider it is a sensitive issue to me…

 

So why happiness is related to this story…?

 

My husband asked me a very “BIG” question…? “Adakah dengan ada anak…awak akan rasa bahagia, happy? Adakah kehidupan awak sekarang, awak x happy? Selagi saya masih ada awak…itulah kebahagiaan yang sebenarnya.kalau kita tidak ditakdirkan ada anak…saya tetap sayangkan awak!”

I was stunned when he told me that… at that time I realized that I am not grateful for what I have in this world… I have a very lovely husband, I have a career, I have still my parents, and what most important thing is… I still can breathe…  I’m still alive…

 

He made me see what is the true meaning of happiness….It doesn’t mean that when I can get pregnant, I will feel happy and when I don’t get pregnant I will feel not happy…I’m the one who have to define the meaning of happiness in my life… for me…being with my husband is the best thing ever happen to my life and  I’m happy about it

My first Post

I used to have a blog (by using friendster domain)...but since I have terminated my Friendster account, I cannot retrieve my blog anymore. What a waste...I posted a lot in that blog. It seems that half of my life disappeared with that blog. hissh...

Then, I created another blog > http://blue-bubble-blup2.blogspot.com/ , unfortunately I totally forgot the username and password. I don't really mind actually but I really need to get rid of my ugly picture in it. Well, I believe no one will come across to that blog, so let it be.

 Well, nothing much to say. I'm not going to use this blog as my diary. Diary is one thing , blog is the other thing. Although I'm sure that there is nobody who will read my blog, it doesn't mean that I can share everything in here because this blog is not a diary.

I will share my thoughts about something not about somebody. So this is not the platform to condemn people although I believe if I mention someone's name, nobody will know and nobody will care about it, but for safety...mentioning people's name in here is forbidden.

For those who come across this blog...I wish you happy reading and of course thank you for reading this blog.

Until here for now.

Pen off.