Still hoping

By:

Marini

            It has been six years I have been married to my husband but there is no sign of any child. In the third year of marriage we had decided to seek for help so we went to LPPKN in Kuala Lumpur to ensure the problems we might have. After a few months of waiting for the result, the doctor diagnosed me as lack of progesterone hormone meaning that my ovum is not producing the “seed” at all while my husband’s sperms are normal (in a superb condition). In the other hand, I am barren or cannot have child on my own. Fortunately, today’s technology is advance and can help women like me to conceive.

            To make a long story short, it has been 2 years my husband and I are doing the treatment in LPPKN. I am sorry because I cannot tell the details about how the doctor treats me. I don’t remember what medicine that I took. I did my first IUI in 2013 but unfortunately that procedure failed. So I stopped the treatment almost in 2 years. It is not that I am losing hope but it just that I need to focus on my career.

            I have decided to continue my treatment in this year but I cannot proceed because I am late for almost 3 months. I have to wait for my period menstrual to appear. I never experience this late before. I had checked UPT five times already but the results remain negative. I am almost losing hope but as many as I read, I found out that there are many people around the world having such problem but they are still get pregnant. In some other cases, they still had period menstrual cycle every month but still get pregnant too. In conclusion, there is still hope as long as Miss P is not appearing.

            Not having a child until now is very stressful. I am sad, yes, I am.  I know my husband is upset too but he knows how to hide his feelings.  Fortunately, I am so lucky because my family and my husband’s family never mention about this. People around me also stop asking me that heart-broken-question. So, I am so grateful. I live my life to the fullest. Not having a child is not the indicator that I am not happy with my life…with my husband. We are happy. I am the one who need to define my happiness. I am distracting myself from this problem by doing what I love to do, scrapbooking and reading. I am so lucky because I am surrounded with friends who are very supportive and they always guide me to look at the bright side. I will keep my mind positive. I believe that Allah knows what is the best for me. He has a great plan for me. I just need to keep praying, keep hoping and keep trying. I believe in miracles. Hopefully, my dream will come true someday.